


Slow On the Uptake

by Sandel



Category: Shamer Chronicles - Lene Kaaberbol
Genre: Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Yuletide 2015, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 12:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5497073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandel/pseuds/Sandel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Davin accompanies Dina as she goes to Colmonte to spend a year with her father's family. On the way there they meet up with Nico, and Davin soon starts to suspect that there's something going on between his sister and his friend.</p>
  <p>But as Davin himself says, he's generally not the quickest to catch on to who has feelings for whom.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Slow On the Uptake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [within_a_dream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/within_a_dream/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, within_a_dream!
> 
> You had me at 'the dragons gangbanging Drakan'... Okay, not really, but when I saw your request for the Shamer Chronicles I knew I had to write you a treat. That's one of the fandom's that are the very closest to my heart. I didn't think I'd write a story quite like this, though. The thought of Davin/Nico had never crossed my mind before I read your letter, and at first I was like "What, why would you ship that?" But then I went on with my re-read of the books, and found myself thinking things like "Hm" and "Maybe..." and "Oh, all right, I can see it!" And then I started thinking about how the two of them might get together, and this is the result.
> 
> I hope you like it! : )

After a two week voyage, most of which I spent puking myself green over the rail of the ship, Dina and I finally arrived in Vellestra harbour. On my mother’s orders I was accompanying my little sister on her journey to Colmonte. Dina was a grown woman now, old enough to go where she wanted and do things our mother considered ill-advised. So she’d made a deal with her great aunt Izene Sina, the Matriarch of the Sina family, to spend one year at the Sina residence in Colmonte. There she’d learn to better use and control the gift she’d inherited from her father. The Serpent’s Gift.

Mother could no longer force Dina to stay away from her father’s family, but she wouldn’t let her go off to Colmonte alone either. If it hadn’t been for my little brother Barran I’m sure Mother would have insisted to come along herself. As it was it fell to _my_ lot to act as my little sister’s bodyguard, and to make sure that she actually returned home to the Highlands when the year was over. Not that I was complaining; it would be nice to see a bit of the world.

From Vellestra we were going to ride inland to the southwest, until we reached Colmonte itself. But we weren’t going to do that alone; Nico would escort us. He lived in Vellestra with Master Maunus now, and was a Master himself. Master Nico. He thought young children to read and write, and when they got older Master Maunus took over to instruct the brightest ones in things like philosophy and alchemy. But Master Maunus could handle the children too for a few days, Nico had said in his letter.

When I got off the ship I took a moment to just rejoice in having solid ground beneath my feet, again. Dina, for her part, immediately started to look around the harbour for Nico. So I started to look for him too.

There he was! He hadn’t seen us yet, and for some reason I didn’t lift my arm to wave to him as soon as he caught my eye. Instead I just watched him. He wore his beard much shorter than when last I saw him, and his hair longer. Now he looked every inch the ‘young lord’ that he’d once been. As far as I could tell he looked handsome, but there’s no accounting for the taste of girls. Only last year Moira Hollin married my best friend Black-Arse, and I would never have guessed that he’d be able to land a beauty like her.

Then Dina noticed Nico too.

“Nico!” she yelled out, her face shining like the sun.

Nico turned towards her voice. When he saw us his eyebrows flew up towards his widow’s peak, and he broke into a wide grin. He stretched out his arms, and Dina ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. He caught her at the waist and swirled her around, the two of them laughing like lunatics. They looked for all the world like a pair of lovers reuniting after a long time apart.

 _Poor Tano_ , I thought.

When I look at Dina I still see the little girl who I’d tell stories to when Mother was away on her Shamer’s business, but even I can see that she’s grown into quite a beautiful young woman. And I knew that she used to have a crush on Nico back before he had to leave us. (Well, I knew because Rosa all but told me. I’m generally not the quickest to catch on to who has feelings for whom.)

For Tano’s sake I hoped that Nico too would still see Dina as a little girl, but the sinking feeling in my stomach told me that he might not. The sensation surprised me – I didn’t know I cared so much about Tano’s feelings. He’s a good enough lad, I suppose, and an amazing smith. (The sword I carried at my hip was made by him and my father Rikert together.) But I’ve always felt quite ambivalent about him and Dina, like any older brother would. Wasn’t he a bit old for her? But Nico was older yet, of course; older than me, even. That must be why I was siding with Tano.

Finally Dina and Nico broke apart, and I got a hug from Nico too. It felt like he’d never let go. He must have realised that he’d been hugging Dina for longer than he should have, and hugged me just as long to show that it didn’t mean anything. People in love are silly like that.

“It’s so good to have the two of you here,” Nico said when he’d let me go at last. “I’ve missed you.”

I’d forgotten how he could say soppy things like that without any hint of shame.

I cleared my throat.

“Er, yes, I… Well, we’ve missed you too.”

* * *

We spent the evening in Nico’s and Master Maunus house. As Master Maunus cooked, Dina and I told Nico news from back home. He knew most of the more important things already, but nothing was too small for him to want to hear.

“Melli is trying to teach Barran to read,” Dina said. “It’s not going very well. Mother tells her she must have more patience.”

Nico laughed.

“I’m sure she’s a great teacher,” he said. “She writes very well herself, now. I treasure every letter she sends me.”

Then he turned to me.

“ _You_ never write,” he said, the mildest hint of an accusation in his voice.

I blushed. Everyone’s always on about the writing and the reading.

“I always have Dina and Mother add a few lines from me in their letters,” I muttered.

Was I imagining things, or did that make Nico’s grin widen the tiniest bit?

“That you do,” he said. “I was sorry to hear about you and Rosa, by the way.”

Ah, that. Rosa and I had just gotten together when Nico left. But all the fighting got tiresome in the long run, and when Rosa got an offer to become an apprentice for Mistress Alinna in Whittlewick we agreed to part ways. Love-wise, that is. She’s still my foster sister, I suppose, awkward as that can be when she comes to visit.

“Thanks,” I said with a shrug.

Then I couldn’t think of anything more to say, and we fell into a not entirely comfortable silence.

* * *

The three of us left Vellestra the next morning, on horses borrowed from one of the families whose children Nico tutored. As we rode I tried to look for more signs of Nico and Dina being in love. It was hard to tell, but as I said I’m not the best at picking up on that kind of stuff. They talked and laughed together a lot, but so did I.

One thing I did notice, though, was that Nico kept eyeing my sword throughout the day. When we had set camp for the evening he asked if I wanted to go a round against him. I stared at him in disbelief. Nico has always hated swords.

I’d thought the sword he’d fastened at his belt before we went off had been just for show, to discourage bandits from attacking us. Or at the very most for driving the bandits off if they still dared to attack. I didn’t think he’d want to draw it unless he absolutely had to. And now he was asking if I wanted to spar against him for fun?

“I didn’t think you liked swords,” I said.

“Ah, yes. Well, it’s a wonder how much not _having_ to use one has improved my opinion of them,” Nico replied with a smirk.

“All right, then, let’s have a go at it.”

Nico’s smile widened as he stretched and made a few practise lunges into the air.

“Are you so sure of winning that you don’t even think you have to warm up?” he asked with a small laugh.

Oh. Yes, maybe I should do some stretches too instead of just staring at Nico like a fool. Blushing I took a few steps away and went through a quick series of attacks and parries. Then we could finally get into fighting position.

When we last trained together Nico had had the upper hand most of the time, but now I was the better swordsman by far. I easily pressed Nico backwards, and several times I saw openings in his guard that could have been deadly had I wanted to hurt him for real. But Nico didn’t seem bothered by my superiority. When I struck the sword out of his hand he just laughed, his blue eyes sparkling in the evening light.

“Well done!” he said, panting slightly.

I wasn’t even the least bit winded.

“That was nothing,” I said with a shrug.

I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth, but Nico just laughed again.

“Maybe I don’t have to worry so much about you lot after all,” he said. “It’s clear you can take care of yourself.”

My heart swelled with pride.

“Want another go?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said, as he picked up his sword. “Just let me catch my breath for a moment, will you?”

* * *

Our journey went on without incident for a couple of days. Nico and I continued with our training sessions, and the three of us sat up talking long into the nights. One night Dina fell asleep sitting at the fireplace, with her head resting against Nico’s shoulder.

The closer we got to Colmonte, the more nervous Dina became. And no wonder. She was after all about to enter a pit of snakes. On the fourth day of our journey she was pale and quiet all day, and nothing Nico or I said could cheer her up. The only thing that seemed to help a little was drinking mug after mug of one of her herbal decoctions.

That night we didn’t have to make camp in the wilderness. We’d gotten close enough to Colmonte by then that we could sleep at an inn in one of the small towns littered around the large city. Dina ate with me and Nico at the inn, but as soon as she’d finished she went up to the room to try to get some sleep.

Nico and I stayed up talking over a couple of beers. As we talked the inn grew emptier, until we were the only two people left in the little side chamber where we’d taken our food. I told Nico about my work as a caravan guard last summer, and he told me about one of the children he worked with who reminded him of Melli.

When he was done with his anecdote Nico was quiet for a moment. Then he turned to me, his dark eyes boring into mine.

“I like you a lot, Davin, you know that?” he said.

I laughed, a little uncomfortable.

“It seems you’ve had enough for tonight,” I replied, trying to keep my tone light.

“No, Davin, I’m not drunk. I mean it. You and Dina… I’ll get spoiled this year, having you this close. What am I supposed to do when you leave again?”

Oh, so this was what this was about. I wanted to make some joke about him and Dina, but he looked so heartbroken that I didn’t have the heart to do so.

“I’m sure that if you… if you just… Well, if you asked Dina I’m sure she’d be happy to stay with you…”

I had to force the words out of my mouth, and suddenly the thought of Dina staying with Nico in Vellestra felt intolerable. _Wrong_.

Nico looked confused.

“Ask _Dina_ to… Why would I…?”

Then something seemed to dawn on him, and he broke into that wide grin of his.

“Oh, Davin,” he said, his voice oddly tender. “You’re so stupid.”

Something in the air seemed to change as he spoke, and I’m not usually the one to notice such things. I’ve been told that I’m stupid more times than I care to count (usually by Dina), but it had never before made my heart drum in my chest like this.

“I…”

Looking into Nico’s dark eyes I forgot what I’d meant to say. I stared, transfixed, into their blue depths. Maybe I’d never really had anything to say… And then, suddenly, Nico’s gaze was as impossible to bear as Dina’s, or Mother’s. I looked away, heat rising on my cheeks.

Staring at a spot on the floor I heard Nico rise from his chair and walk around to my side of the table. His feet came into my view, but still I didn’t – couldn’t! – look up at him. For a moment he just stood before me. Neither of us said anything. Then he softly gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger, and gently, gently tilted my head upwards. Despite myself I let my eyes meet his again.

For a long moment Nico just looked at me searchingly. Then he seemed to find whatever it was he was looking for, and he gently but insistently started to raise the hand holding my chin. I followed without protest until we stood level, only inches apart. His eyes never left mine.

It was as if I was completely in my body and completely out of it at the same time. _This must be what it’s like for Mother and Dina when they travel through the Shadowlands_ , I thought absently, only vaguely aware of my heart hammering in my chest and yet hyperaware of the touch of Nico’s fingers against my skin.

Then Nico lifted his other hand to my cheek and cupped my face between his hands. He shut his eyes, and closed the distance between us. His lips met mine like a question, and instinctively I answered, parting my lips slightly. My eyes were closed too by then, but I didn’t remember shutting them. My breath came in pants, like Nico’s did when we trained together.

Nico deepened the kiss. Blood was still rushing through my head, but my ability to think was coming back in a jumble of _this is odd, this is good, this is weird, this is Nico, Nico, Nico_ …

Then a gasp cut through the room, and we broke apart as if we’d been burned.

Dina stood in the doorway, shock written in every line of her face.

“I… I couldn’t sleep,” she said, sounding utterly confused.

Without thinking I looked into her eyes, and images started to dance between us. Until then my head had been buzzing as if I’d been drunk, but as I looked into my little sister’s eyes the realisation of what we’d just been doing came crashing down on me. I’d kissed another man. That was… monstrous, was what it was. _Wrong_.

Was it Dina’s eyes I was looking into, shame burning through every inch of my body, or was it Nico’s? To my utter humiliation I felt tears start to burn in my eyes. Thankfully Dina had the compassion to break our eye contact then, and I was free to shoulder past her and run out of the room. And then I just kept running, out of the inn, out of the town, out into the wilderness. I ran like I’d run those nights in the months after the Hall of Whispers.

* * *

My feet hit the ground, one after the other, and I tried to think of nothing. I’d left Nico to explain to Dina what the hell she’d just seen, but I didn’t care. It served him right, really. After all he’d been the one to kiss me!

 _But you kissed back_ , a treacherous little voice in my head whispered.

I ran faster, let my feet pound harder down on the ground, and after a while the voice fell silent. Then I found my way into a small vale, and sunk down on a large rock.

Maybe I truly _was_ stupid – at least too stupid to make head or tail of what had just happened. Nico had _kissed_ me, but that was... why would he...? Was he mocking me, somehow?

The kiss had been nothing like any other kiss I’d ever known. Kissing Rosa had always been heat and urgency, and with other girls the kisses had ranged from sweet to pointless. No other kiss had ever felt like this one, so soft, so gentle. How could a kiss like that have come from a _man_? (But then again Nico had never been like most men.)

It must have been horrible for Dina to see us like that - her own brother, and the man she was in love with! I tried to imagine what it would have been like walking in on Dina kissing Rosa, back when we were together, but the thought was too ridiculous to even contemplate. Girls didn’t kiss girls.

_And men don’t kiss men._

Apparently I hadn’t quite managed to run away from that voice, after all. But I was too exhausted to keep running now.

* * *

It was Dina who found me in the end. She had her ways of doing that, these days. I shuddered to think what she’d be able to do after her year with the Sina family.

“Davin…”

She put her hand on my back. I flinched. I couldn’t look at her. Maybe I’d never be able to look at her again.

“That… that was nothing. It was just a… a stupid bet.”

Dina made a little choking noise, and it was only at the last moment that I stopped myself from looking up at her.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Davin,” she said, her voice carefully calm. “I spoke to Nico, I know it was he who… well.”

She cleared her throat.

“Anyway, he wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry. He’ll turn back for Vellestra in the morning. He… he says it’s fine if you don’t want to say goodbye.”

She fell silent, for a while. When it became clear that I wouldn’t reply she spoke again, something hard in her voice.

“But Davin, _I_ don’t think it’s fine,” she said. “Nico is our _friend_ , and even if he… even if he did something stupid that doesn’t mean you can just throw all that away.”

What was she talking about? I shook my head, trying to clear it. Was she worried I’d drive Nico away from her too?

“I… I’m sorry,” I said. “I know you… Well, you – you can have him. I’m sure he was just confused, maybe he kissed me because he wanted to kiss you but didn’t… I don’t know. But you can have him. Just tell him how you feel and he’ll... he’ll…”

My voice broke.

“What are you talking about, Davin? I don’t – I don’t want to be with Nico like that. I love _Tano_. You know that.”

Did I?

* * *

That night I dreamed that I was back in that little chamber in the inn, staring at the floor. Then a pair of feet came into view, but instead of gentle fingers it was the cold hard steel of a sword that touched my chin, and when I rose I stared into the deep blue eyes of Drakan, not Nico. I tried to run, but only one of my feet would support me, and I fell. Before I hit the ground I woke, sweating. Memories from years ago rushed through my head.

I lay awake for a long while, thinking about Nico’s fight against Drakan, and how Dina and Mother had let me believe that Nico had died. I remembered how _furious_ I’d been that they’d let me think that we’d lost him forever. Then I heard someone moving in the room. Nico was getting up to leave before morning, so I wouldn’t have to see or talk to him.

“Nico! Wait!”

“Davin? You’re awake?”

“You don’t… you don’t have to go.”

“Are you sure?” He sounded concerned, but also heartrendingly hopeful.

“Y-yes,” I said. “You should be there for Dina tomorrow, and I… I don’t want to lose you either. Come with us to Colmonte, and then… then maybe we could talk about… what happened.”

* * *

The last day of our journey was peculiar. Nico and I danced around each other, always polite but never looking at each other. Nico was clearly waiting for me to be ready to ‘talk about what happened,’ that much was clear. Normally that would have made me feel resentful, but now I just felt... well, like I, too, was waiting for me to be ready to talk.

Dina, bless her, acted as if nothing was wrong. She even tried to keep a brave face about the whole ‘moving into the viper’s pit’ thing, and of course it was _Nico_ who noticed and talked to her about her worries and fears. That didn’t make me feel any less like a tool.

Then we arrived in Colmonte, and were taken into the Sina residence. It was like a palace from a fairy tale, built from red stone and with windows so large they seemed impossible. Even Nico looked impressed when he saw it, and he grew up in a castle. Izene Sina welcomed us with a huge banquet. Well, mostly Dina, of course. Nico and I were met with distant politeness but nothing more, while she was treated like a princess. Like one of them. Everywhere I looked I saw someone with her ears, her nose or her eyebrows, and practically everybody had her hair.

And yet Dina seemed more uncomfortable than gratified with the way she was being treated, and early in the night she excused herself to go to bed. Nico and I followed suit, but instead of going up to the rooms that had been made ready for us we walked out into the palace garden. It was a beautiful place, with lots of flowers and a fountain depicting a large snake with water coming out of its mouth. Through some sort of tacit agreement we seated ourselves on the fountain’s ledge.

We sat in silence for a while. Nico was clearly waiting for me to speak first, so at last I took a deep breath and asked,

“Why did you… do that thing you did, yesterday?”

Nico glanced at me, then quickly looked away.

“Well, Davin, I…” he said, his voice timid. “This might take a while to explain.”

“I have time.” A year of it, if that was what was needed. It wasn’t like I hade any business here other than watching over Dina. And I didn’t want to lose Nico.

“All right. Well, I don’t know where to begin…” He fell silent.

I just waited for him to start speaking again. When he did something in his voice made it sound like he was telling a story to a child.

“Back when I lived in Dunark, or the Highlands, I didn’t… I never... Back then I would never have thought that I could feel for a man like I did for Adela, and to some extent for Karmiana, but… Well, people are more open about these things in the southern lands. Here men being with men – and women being with women – is just part of life. After a few years here I sometimes found myself looking at men the same way I looked at women. And then you showed up, all grown up and muscled, and I...”

There Nico fell silent again, and that was probably for the best, because at ‘grown up and muscled’ I’d started blushing so hard I thought I’d catch fire if I had to listen to him a moment longer.

“Well, there was that,” Nico went on after a few moments, “and then there was the way you looked at me…”

“The way I looked at you!?” I said, incredulous. I could feel the blush spreading down my neck.

“Yes, now that I’d started to think about men… like that… I noticed that you looked at me in… a certain way. And it wasn’t new, either. Do you remember that time in the bath, that first day at the Foundation in Sagisloc?”

A memory flashed before my eyes, of me trying to look at Nico’s naked body without him noticing. _Oh._

I was too stunned to say anything before Nico continued.

“I thought it meant something, when you looked at me like that. Or maybe I just hoped… And, well… I’ve never been able to resist red hair.”

His hand twitched, as if he wanted to reach out to touch my hair, but he kept it at his side. I thought of Karmiana’s mermaid’s mane, and didn’t see how my reddish wisps could ever compare to – oh sweet Saint Magda, was I thinking like a _girl_!? A _lovesick_ girl? Maybe there was something to what Nico was saying about the way I looked at him and whatnot.

“I’ll – I don’t _know_ , Nico,” I said. “This is… it’s not something I’m used to. But I do feel… something, and I’ll… I guess we can _try_ to… be together.”

I’d never seen Nico grin quite that wide before.

* * *

During Dina’s year of training with the Sina family Nico came to visit us in Colmonte as often as he could. That wasn’t actually all that often, but that was probably for the best; the long waits between the visits somehow made the whole ‘being together’ thing easier for me to handle. On the first visit we started to spar together again. On the second we kissed for the second time. On the third he slept in my bed and traced the scars on my back with his fingers, though we didn’t… well. That wasn’t until the _fourth_ visit. Anyway.

Without any of us knowing quite how, the year had suddenly passed. And I couldn’t imagine leaving Nico to go back to the Highlands. So in the end it was _I_ who stayed behind in Vellestra with Nico, as Dina sailed back north.

And now I have to improve on my letter writing skills after all. But that’s really not so bad – I have a very good teacher to help me.


End file.
